There’s nothing worse than a breakup that comes out of nowhere, especially when it felt like everything was perfect right before! If you’ve ever been blindsided by an unexpected breakup, read on.
Perhaps it felt like he really liked you. Maybe it even felt as though there was a bright future ahead. But then out of the blue, he announces that the relationship’s over and he wants out. Ask anyone and they probably have experienced a breakup that left them in a state of surprise and bewilderment. Here are five absurd, but very real, reasons why men leave you high and dry.
Spoiler alert: you’d be better off without them anyway.
1. It Isn’t The Right Time
You may get serious about your guy when you feel that he’s truly The One or your #otherhalf. Some men, on the other hand, jut settle down with whoever they happen to be dating at the point in time when they feel ready to settle down– which is usually when every other aspect of his life has been sorted out, whether it’s finishing university, earning a good wage, or when he’s the last one out of his friends to do so.
Unfortunately, if you’re with this kind of man and you don’t catch him at this ideal marriage stage, then the possibilty of him leaving you is sadly high. Basically, he’s having you play second fiddle to the rest of his life, and it’s up to you to decide if you’re okay with that or not.
Linda* was with Patrick* for three years and could never get him to commit. She gave him an ultimatum: marry her within a year, or end the relationship. He beat her to the punch and ended the relationship. A year later, after dating his new girlfriend for only 10 months, Linda* hears he’s getting married! “I asked him why he had chosen her and not me. He said when I had asked him to marry me, he felt he wasn’t financially ready, but two months after he began dating his new girlfriend, he got a promotion and felt ready for the next step,” she said.
If you hear this, don’t waste any more tears on a man who lets his life circumstances rather than the woman he’s with dictate who he marries.
2. They’re Still Playing The Field
Other men like to be the envy of their friends, whether it’s owning the most expensive car or holding the highest paying job. So it’s no surprise that some more chauvinistic sorts might feel that their choice of women . The more his girlfriend makes his friends drool, the prouder he is of her. Gross. But this means he’s constantly wondering if the woman in his life is really the best he can do.
Every man’s criteria of the ‘right woman’ is very different. There’s a chance he just wrote you off because he felt he could do better than you at that point in time– regardless of how you felt about him. As petty and selfish as it sounds, to him it could be a very real and valid reason for ending the relationship.
“My best friend was dating a wonderful woman. But every time we went out, he’d constantly talk about other girls he had met. He claimed to be in love with his girlfriend, but sometimes wondered what it would be like to be with someone else,” says Karen*.
And that’s not the kind of guy you want to stay with anyway.
3. Good Times Aren’t Forever
Anna* and her ex-boyfriend had been living together for four years and she felt totally comfortable in the relationship. “He left because he was afraid of what I was becoming– relaxed and comfortable in our relationship. He on the other hand, expected me to ‘maintain’ myself in the same way I had from day one of our relationship.”
Newsflash, Anna’s ex-boyfriend: excitement and love in a relationship has very little to do with how your partner looks.
We all know that the honeymoon years of a relationship don’t last. Once the electricity fades and the butterflies wither away, couples are left with the cold, hard, and often mundane reality of life. There’s rarely any more sweeping each other of your feet or hearts skipping a beat when the courtship is over and you’ve grown used to each other.
Some couples embrace this change with open arms and grow into a loving partnership ready to face life’s challenges and boredom together, but other less mature or less compatible couples might not accept the loss of the honeymoon and continue to seek those exciting sparks. And if your relationship isn’t providing it for your man, he’s going to go looking for it elsewhere.
4. “I Like You, But I Don’t Love You.”
Men are actually very intuitive when it comes to their feelings. They can often tell if you’re going to be ‘The One’. It is this very instinct that will determine the future of your relationship with him.
Just because a man likes you a lot, it doesn’t mean he loves you or ever will. Some men are live-for-the-moment creatures, doing things with no thought to the future consequences. They often stay in a relationship because in the moment, that’s the kind of relationship they want to be in– even if the love isn’t there. Harsh as this may seem, it’s one of the reasons why men leave. As soon as the relationship stops being what they want it to be, they’re out. Even the length of the relationship won’t matter when it comes to men like these.
“I had been dating Jerry for two years and we were living together,” says Jenna*. “I was the first to say ‘I love you’, but he didn’t reply. A month later he ended the relationship. I was heartbroken and needed answers. He said he cared about me but knew he would never have the same kind of feelings I had for him, and that he ended it for my sake.”
5. Too Into You
This may seem like good news, but don’t be fooled. This is just another reason why men dump us. Despite all the machismo they try to project, an overly-hard shell often hides a soft squishy interior. They’re often extremely afraid of getting hurt, and if he feels he’s in over his head more than you are, he’ll leave before you leave him.
Lisa* experienced this first hand. “When Alex* ended our relationship, he said it was because he was too in love with me. I couldn’t understand what he meant! He tried to explain it to me, but I only felt heartache and confusion.”
It sounds like madness but if you think about it, there’s a sliver of method there. Those overpowering feelings of paranoia and vulnerability you feel when you’re head over heels in love with a guy are the same things he feels. But while we have girlfriends to turn to for support and advice, men very often don’t have the same support system, which leaves them feeling vulnerable and alone. Leaving you before you can hurt him therefore is a natural self-defence mechanism.
*Names have been changed for privacy. Adapted from the print edition.